Lady Killer.

Patrolling Iraq's Route Lincoln, the major east-west highway between Baghdad and Ramadi, is no picnic. Still, many Marines experience more anxiety walking up to a beautiful woman at Hollywood's Sky Lounge than they do approaching a potential suicide bomber on Lincoln's 84 Easting checkpoint. Both present the Marine with a dodgy, unpredictable hard-liner; at least on Lincoln there's a defense. Armored vehicles and vests, heavy-caliber machine guns, good comm and close air support. On Lincoln a fella’s got a chance. The Sky Lounge is a suicide mission.

Approaching women is a scary business. In the world of boy-meets-girl there's no armor, no weapon, no comm and – unless you can convince a friend it's in his best interest to be your wing – no back-up. What makes the one so much more terrifying than the other? What makes the Marine so good at the application of violence, so bad at the application of romance?

It has nothing to do with our bad haircuts, or foul language (though I can’t say it helps) and everything to do with basic training.

A Marine’s professional education begins with a moral cage rattling. Boot camp introduces the recruit to the basic principles of war as captured in the maneuverist’s great tome, Warfighting: that war is an act of violence shaped by human emotions; an extreme trial of moral and physical strength and stamina; that it is the greatest horror to humanity – a messy, violent, chaotic and fluid phenomenon requiring flexibility, boldness, speed, focus, courage, and risk. The recruit is taught to operate in constant states of disorder. He learns to control his emotions and that success (and survival) hinges on the interplay of initiative and response.

From this is born the mind of a professional warrior. Route Lincoln? No problem.
Now take a Marine’s education in women. Shoot, take any man’s education in women. It’s the perfect storm of goofy pop-culture influence, outdated (but admittedly classic and awesome) fatherly techniques, hit and miss tactics, and an overwhelming sexual anxiety pitted against the hormonal WMD that is our male body. Throw in teen-pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease, some Too-Short lyrics, a Judeo-Christian ethic and a broken home and we’re talking about some seriously stressful times.

From this is born the mind of a wandering idiot. Sky Lounge? No thank you.

What’s worse is on top of all this we’re socially conditioned to believe that success with women is providence-based: “How’d it go man? Did you get lucky?”

That can’t be as good as it gets...

I think if we apply the same principles of training for war to the practice of attracting women, the aggressive insurgent killers of today might just become the lady killers of tomorrow.

The only disparity between the Marine patrolling the mean streets of Fallujah and the Marine cruising the frosty bars of Newport Beach is confidence. Confidence is taught every day on the parade decks of Parris Island, the shooting ranges of Camp Pendleton and in the flight simulators of Pensacola. The Marine Corps successfully instills self-confidence everyday through aggressive and realistic training and sends Marines to battle with a certain expectation of violence, danger and self-sacrifice; and, more positively, with a dominant expectation of victory. Confidence is what makes a Marine so successful in battle. The problem with girls is simple: No training. No confidence. No girlfriend.

And that's no way to live.

Training to pick up girls must be no different than training to pick off an enemy skirmisher. From the first approach to the break-up, no aspect of a man’s execution should be left to chance. There are already enough factors outside of our control.

Love, like war, is an experience shaped by human emotions…an extreme trial of moral strength and stamina. Of course it’s not the greatest horror, but rather the greatest happiness to humanity – but certainly not free from hard work. Find me a true relationship without the need for flexibility, boldness, focus, courage and risk. To get there – to get just the chance to fall in love – you have to engage. You must attract and be attracted. Those few moments of attraction – and we only have a few moments to attract her – will determine our success and a success – in a simple approach or a complex love – hinges on our ability to control our emotions, operate in a state of disorder, exercise a certain boldness and seize the initiative.

Success hinges on conditioning. Training. Self-confidence. And probably a better haircut.

The truth is, the things that make us so great in battle (self-confidence, a strong heart and a little luck) also make us great in love. Training ourselves to be as good in love as we are in war matters, because, at the end of the day, I think we'd all prefer make our luck, than get lucky.